this is the final part of an epic, 3-part post. this post all came about because of the girls in this section. particularly jenni and nicole.
beth, sam and katey allen fall into this category too. and because this is a special category i feel i should also mention kate powers, ezinne and ling.
this group of women in my life (all inclusive) is the most unique and possibly the least mixable. they have mixed. particularly jenni and nicole. i think they have the potential to mix even more in fact, were it not for the fact that i love an hour away from where their lives happen.
this group of women for me, are most like me right now. yet, they are overall the least... accessible.
it's a complex and odd sort of relationship that i have with all of them. we work together, and sometimes it feels as though that's it. other times it's so much more. i laugh the most because of these women. that is without a doubt the truth right now. they make me so happy. simultaneously, they are the root of some sadness.
this sadness started with kate. kate was my best friend for 15 weeks. it was as if we dated and later broke up. the break up didn't happen fast, but i watched it happen. i watched he grow away from me. i've lost kate now. but we had many a lovely time complaining together at the underground cafe over hot earl grey.
it feels good to admit that it's over.
but the loss of kate leaves a blackspot in my mind... what if i lose them all?
i don't want to lose jenni. i don't want to lose nicole.
as much as i adore beth, as much as i am interested in sam, as much as i respect and enjoy katey's company... it's jenni and nicole i worry about, which is really odd.
i never thought i'd like either of them. there, i said it. not in the way i do now.
and now that i'm here, talking about them and thinking about them, i'm not sure where i want to go next... in this post i mean, even though they were the start of it all... this need to taxonomize my girl friends.
i guess... there it is. the girl friends of katy acheson.
and that's just the graduate students from grad school, i haven't mentioned yet liz pantani, kerry pepka, nicole mclernon or kristen t.w.. all of whom i consider my friends. girl friends even.
nor does this entire tirade mention the girls i've befriended online or through the twin peaks fest. for another day.
6 comments:
Aw, dearie.
I have to admit--I was really scared and intimidated by you when I first came into the PWP. Here I was rather meek, insecure, and entirely uptight and unprepared for the teaching business. You were all confident and easygoing and smart and good with students. I would be really uncomfortable when we'd be in the office with nobody there to mediate, mostly because I felt tragically uncool and incompetent when you were around. Not that you did anything to facilitate this. You just exude those nice things I mentioned above.
So, I agree. I didn't expect to like you in the way that I do. I didn't expect to like Nicole in the way that I do, either.
This year really changed my perspective on people and things. Last year, Katey and I were really close. Now that she's physically far away in a different office, I feel like she's gotten farther away from me too. I was really sad last year at the thought of not having Katey--my nearest and dearest--around anymore. I thought I would be alone and bored.
But somehow, unexpectedly, you and Nicole fill that niche and I am not alone and I am not bored.
In the past, I've had a relatively easy time getting up and moving, leaving friends behind, going on study abroad adventures knowing I'd likely never see those folks after everyone separated.
Now, I don't want to leave you guys. I don't want to stay in Soco Mass for professional reasons, but I think leaving--even if it is only to Boston--will be much harder than ever before.
Sorry. Blogging in your comments box.
<3
i think some of the point i was trying to get across in this post is to mark the differences in my relationships with you and nicole versus all my other girlfriends.
all my other girlfriends are tried and tested, or close enough that nothing threatens the break up.
with you and nicole, there are all these good and bad potential scenarios involving a tremendous number of possibilities in terms of relationships with boys, work, living situations, etc.
at least i can blogger-stalk you both.
I don't like to think we broke up, I like to think my job ate my entire life and caused me to move away to another state. I do miss you all!
Also this entry made me cry.
Kate, I didn't mean to upset you by this. I'm so sorry you cried.
But a break up doesn't mean we're still not friends. I love you and I can't wait until I have more time this summer to reach out to you more. The break up was as much me as you and, likewise, we both have to put in the effort to see each other. I haven't been putting that effort in, and you've been busy with your new job.
That first semester was just so... splendid. I can't help but want you in my life as much as you were for those 15 weeks (and beyond, oh the fun we had in those computer labs!!!).
I love you Kate, and I miss you so much it hurts some times. I'm so sorry I hurt you too.
To be honest, I thought you all hated me. I was this crazy gal and you all were so darn serious and smart. Why so serious??
I know I will hunt you all down..via internet stalking so I know that I won't lose you. I have that faith instilled into my little dome.
I attach to people and they all build little houses in my heart. Right now, you and Jenni live in the UMASS Larts house in my heart and thats made of concrete and its not going anywhere. Its real sturdy.
btw..cup o teas this summer!
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