Tuesday, April 23, 2019

the muscle fibers caught up

reaching out to wrap
an arm around another

lips pulled back in a smile
or turned down in a pout

rushing from one gate
to another to catch a flight

or pulling himself up
out of a chair after a nap

the stretch of muscle
is visible under skin

and we're all caught up
in the motions of the flexing

and relaxing


Friday, April 19, 2019

the green river girl

there's a girl, the green river girl.
i invented her.

at first, she was just a pleasantry
an imaginary friend

to the girl inside me named something
who i invented so she could write poems,

but then the green river girl grew up
fed off the grief and fear of losing my pa.

she siphoned my turmoil, my sadness,
and spread it out across the valleys

of the Pacific Northwest of America.
she planted seeds all around this place

where i trek once a year
knowing I'd keep coming back

and eventually see the blossoms
of what she planted for me here.

today we - me, something, and the green river girl -
took the familiar trail down to the bottom

of the falls we stare at for long periods of time
to remember and honor all our past feelings

and today i recognized the fruits and flowers
that were planted a decade ago

by the green river girl, weighed down as she is,
by rocks and sadness, and stuck here forever

in these trees and this water, green and strong.

Monday, April 15, 2019

driving rain

car parts break or fault
houses made of wood will leak

and we keep trekking forward
through the driving rain

Sunday, April 14, 2019

reattached

stitched back together
with wax covered thread

by a weak needle
and shaking fingers

but with the kind of care
that makes up

for lack of knowledge
or practice

and stays reattached
even in rough weather

Friday, April 12, 2019

wide screen

i have a wide screen
computer monitor at work

and the bottom of the screen
(it's 25" (i measured it))

is covered edge to edge
with little post it notes

(the 2" square ones
(i measured those too))

some are stuck three long
one on top of another

on top of another.
they are reminders

of what must be done.
a colorful to-do list

across the bottom
of my wide screen monitor.



Tuesday, April 09, 2019

air

i did something to water
something that upset it

so all the liquids i interacted with
did their best to drip

splash

spill

overflow

spray

so much so that i felt
much like a soggy squirrel

flapping my tail
most of the day

water was not my element
but then i'm air anyway

at least that's what Ajia thinks
she told me when i complained

about my water problem
while water splashed up

from the basin of the sink
and soaked into the apron i'd put on

for protection


Monday, April 08, 2019

either way.

stand up. stop. if you have toes, can you feel them? stand still. wiggle them. how many do you have? if a whale and a deer are related by a type of hip bone, do you buy the purple flowers or the yellow ones to make the wet deer happy? either way, they were both picked. wiggle your toes again. how many do you have? i have ten. i have had ten for quite a while now. a while, a long time, a life time, all relative to the short line at the locally owned coffee place that only has five kinds of milk.

Sunday, April 07, 2019

cherry blossom bandit

no one suspected
the big grey goose

with the bright orange beak
was capable

of such heinous
criminality

alas, he had a tendency
to rob local shops

of their cherry blossom
flavored baked goods

during the busy festival
in spring

Saturday, April 06, 2019

puddle skipper

a fish out of water
would die

i'm much more like
a squirrel in a deep puddle

Friday, April 05, 2019

the meaning of tired

the word tired
describes how i feel
most of the time

tired is a little word
but this little word
has many meanings

such as i stayed out
too late last night
and regret it a little now

or i do the same things
over and over and over
and see no end in sight

sometimes it means
do i have to do this again
didn't i do this yesterday?

it can mean chocolate
where is the chocolate
i am going to need chocolate

or it can mean i ate
too much chocolate
even though that seems impossible

or wondering why the heck
recreational fishing
seems like a relaxing idea

when actually it's really
mean to trick a fish
and totally ruin its day

tired can also mean
i feel like i've seen
this show before

it must be a repeat
or i've been watching
too much reality tv

it can mean wearing
the same shoes
for six months

tired can mean
the sun is warm
through the window

so today i am staying home
with the cats and eating
more chocolate

Wednesday, April 03, 2019

lookbook emotions

today i am wearing
motivated

to match my new
confident

yesterday i wore
confused

with a bright and beautiful
frustrated

two weeks ago
i sported this really cute
angry

later today i will put on
my best
tired

when the weather warms up
i'll be riding around in
my favorite pair of
distracted

and when fall hits
we'll all wrap ourselves up
in the warmest
sad

until the holidays
happen upon us
and we put on our
holly
jolly
depressed

but disguise it with
chocolate and marshmallow themed
happy

Tuesday, April 02, 2019

pocket full of lumens

what kind of world
where he can

walk around all day
with a pocket full of lumens

more than 10 million pixels
if we count the sub ones

10 million of anything
is reason enough

for a purse

Friday, March 01, 2019

fizzle

in one hand i spin one plate
that holds cute pens and stickers

in another hand i spin another plate 
that holds social media apps - 

facebook, instagram, 
the twitter accounts i never check

from one foot i spin yet another 
that holds excel, quickbooks, zimba

balanced on my nose i spin a plate 
that wobbles because it holds the most delicate balance 

- the balance between answering the phone
 and taking a bite of lunch


Monday, February 25, 2019

blue anyway

a sky, blue and clear,
let down candy floss
snow flakes

wind gusts swirled
the soft flakes
like a magician

causing eyes to dart
and hearts to feel
a sensation like wonder

a curious urge
to move with the wind
and become part of the scene

feet flit on gravel
and the world is full
and her eyes awake

ready for more wonders
more contradictions
and anomalies of nature

under a sky so blue
in a storm that moves
so much and yet

calm prevails

Monday, January 28, 2019

tried and tried

i think she's dead now,

but it's hard

to get a straight forward answer
from her sometimes.

i had tried,

and this was years ago,

to help her.

i tried talking to her, sending care packages,
hundreds of dollars,

until she got sloppy,
and i caught her lying.

i felt like a fool.

but i tried to talk to her,
tried to get her help,
but she didn't want real help.

at least, not from me.

so i lost her.

i had to lose her.

and now completely.

completely lost.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

winter wanderer

boot prints disrupt the snow
in zigs and zags

a meandering tracker
chasing day dream fancies

while avoiding branches
weighed down by fresh snow

Monday, January 21, 2019

the puck

driven across a flooded and frozen bog
the puck glides, bumps, jumps, and swerves

a kid in a green jersey rushes after it
falls and slides towards it, laughing

other kids skate around him like a swarm
they can't find the puck, does he have it?

he keeps laughing, uncontrollably,
giddy from the fun on the ice.

in the background his sister falls.
she's just learning how to skate.

in two months she'll be better than him
at his favorite sport, and he won't mind.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

match made

nana used to use the dishwasher to store food
like crackers, bread and cereal until we all moved in

and we needed it to keep up with the demand for spoons
that's when she started storing snacks in a hanging shoe rack

that clanged against the door to her bedroom
whenever she opened or closed it.




Monday, January 14, 2019

color coded

we warn visitors
that our cat Rowdy
is color coded.

you can pet all the parts of him
that are covered in orange fur,
but not the white bits.

the parts of our cat
that are covered in white fur
are off limits for petting.

that's Rowdy's rule,
not ours. we have to abide
by the color code too.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

four blue birds in the yard

Alli chirps
eck eck, eck eck, eck eck eck

speaking a language
she thinks the blue jays will understand

Saturday, January 05, 2019

empty

an ashamed container:

to be buried in the trash

or left in the freezer? a facade. an embarrassment.

left empty either way.

Friday, January 04, 2019

pocket

hand in pocket
reminded that this morning

i put a spoon in my coat pocket
but now i can't remember why

Wednesday, January 02, 2019

without

the sad that envelopes a year
that he will never know

is worse with each sun that rises
and does not know him either.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019

knit

I found four needles
and a large spool

of colorful yarn
so i knit until my fingers hurt

from years of sitting
without knitting

Monday, December 31, 2018

Katy's Top Movies of 2018


Ryan and I saw 59 new movies this year at the theatre. And I am including a Netflix release in my list here, since the film on my list never got a theatrical release. These are all films I want to watch again, films that left an impression, or inspired me somehow. The films in the list are presented in almost the order I viewed them. I may have mixed them up a bit. The point is, they are not ordered from best to worst or favorite to least favorite. 


And take note! Just because a film isn't in my list, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it, or didn't think it was a great movie, either. I, Tonya, Death of Stalin, Deadpool 2, Ralph Breaks the Internet, The First Purge, RGB, Love, Simon, Lady Bird, Incredibles 2, these are all really great movies! I think there were only three movies I watched this year that I didn't really find any value in and do not want to see again. There are some great movies NOT on my list, and films that probably deserve some attention like The Hate U Give, but it's not included because, well, I actually enjoyed the book more. There are some great performances that aren't included like Michael Shannon in the Shape of Water, where the film doesn't find its way into my list. Films that I found to be a lot of fun like Infinity War or The MEG, but just didn't make the final cut.


Okay, so... here's the list!!


Black Panther 


Yes. This movie will likely be on everyone's lists for 2018. My main attraction to this film is all of the incredible women who dominated the movie on screen and behind it. In particular, I read an interview before the film came out about the costume designer who sourced her inspiration for costumes from a wide variety of African nations and bound them together through one beautiful film. And there's an incredible episode of sound exploder about the Killmonger theme. The movie was bright in both senses - colorful and smart. I can't really find fault with it. 

Annihilation


Here's a conversation I had this summer about Annihilation... Him: "... what I don't get is why did it have to be all women?" Me: "Would you ask that question if it were all men?" Him: "No." Then I think he went on to say something like "you have a point there" but I can't recall the exact wording.  This conversation is *exactly* why we should have more films like this, like Ghostbusters, like Incredibles 2, like Widows, like Ocean's 8. It should *not* be special, unique, or "odd" for a film to be led by an all or predominately female cast. Plus, this film was weird and pretty. Weird and pretty is good. Good sci-fi, with some really astounding visuals. 

Game Night


This movie is fun. I don't think I should have to justify it any more than that. It has some unexpected turns too, which add to the value of the story. Plus, this is one of the movies we saw not long after losing Jack and it made me smile and laugh. I think I'll always be grateful for this movie for it's levity and charm. 

A Quiet Place 


For someone who had never directed, and who was not a fan of horror by his own admission, the guy from the office made a pretty damn good horror film! I love hearing stories of people afraid to eat their snacks in the theatre because the film was so quiet. I also love that they cast a young actress, Millie Simmonds, with the same hearing challenge as the character she portrays. This shouldn't be unique, but it is, and needs to be pointed out so that it happens more, right? If the character is deaf, why shouldn't a deaf actress get the role? She was phenomenal in A Quiet Place. She made the film work for me. 

Isle of Dogs


This films, like most of Wes's movies, is aesthetically pleasing, a tad emotionally upsetting, and has charming characters. Plus it has Yoko Ono and puppies! What else do you want? Hmmn? More cats, I guess... 

Bad Samaritan


Here's one of the movies that stuck with me. It's a messed up tale that you should go see without knowing too much about it! David Tennant is horrifying. I get the creeps just thinking about it, honestly. I had to include it on my list even though I don't think I'll rewatch it, because I want everyone else to watch it too. 

Hereditary


Ah, now here is a case for great advertising and how it can shape your movie viewing experience for the better. Not to spoil anything... but something happens. Not to spoil anything else... I did NOT see it coming. I am not sure how to talk about this film without spoiling it, so go see it and get back to me. Scary, creepy, thought provoking, gross, scary, beautiful, yikes. 

Hotel Artemis 


Sterling K. Brown's voice is blissful. Jodie Foster is a great character actor. Batista clearly really likes acting even if he isn't the best at it yet. Sofia Boutella is gorgeous and deadly. The film is simple, pretty, entertaining, takes a turn here and there, but won't leave you feeling car sick, and Sterling K. Brown's voice is blissful.

Ant-Man and the Wasp


In a post Infinity War world, I think I am allowed to give any Marvel super hero moves a bit of credit just for standing up on their own plots. We only saw this movie once, and I can't remember all of the points that I made, but I distinctly remember walking out the theatre listing all the things I thought the movie did well. Here's what I can recall... the Wasp is in the title. She's smart and strong and nothing would get done without her. The mother figure is powerful and composed, even though she needs others to help her, she holds her own. Antman is a decent dad. Especially when you compare him to some of the other father figures in the movie. The movie was fun and bright and kept its threat level in check. While Infinity War was great, I put this movie over it simply because I, Katy, would rather sit down and rewatch Antman and the Wasp over all the avengers sloshing about in space for two hours.

Jurrasic World: Fallen Kingdom


We saw it twice because it's fun AND scary! Also, Bryce Howard Dallas's character got some reasonable foot ware this time! The movers and shakers behind the scenes actually listened to the complaints of their fanbase and made the change. Plus, that adorable little baby pachycephalosaurs was, well, adorable!

BlacKKKlansman 
I had an intense experience during the end of this film. Spike Lee chose to show the neo Nazi terrorist attack that took place in Charlottesville. I had not seen the video footage before then. I'd seen images, read reports, but chose not to expose myself to the video. So the end of the movie hit me right were it was supposed to hit. It was akin to watching the Twin Towers crumble for the first time. It was difficult and horrible and real. So thank you, Spike Lee. It was unforgettable. Besides that, the film was intelligent, funny, uncomfortable, thought provoking, and definitely worth everyone's time. 

Blindspotting


I've been a fan of Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal for a little while now. I enjoy their music, poetry, and have been following both of their blossoming careers on Instagram. I knew the film was coming out for a long while and almost missed seeing it on the big screen. We drove to Rhode Island, the next state over, to catch it in a cinema, and I'm glad we did! The film lived up to the hype I'd been fed on IG for months. Seeing and enjoying the movie was almost like seeing friends succeed. I feel proud. The film also gave me a new vocabulary word - blindspots. The parts of the world, the perspectives, that we're blind to due to our lives and experiences. If we as individuals can acknowledge that we have them, then perhaps we can begin to change our view enough to see them and see others better for who and what they are in the world we share. It's a valuable way to think about other people's experiences compared to my own. And I'm still really enjoying the soundtrack EPs. 

Mandy 


It is a rare treat to go see a movie at the theatre and know nothing about it. Well, not nothing... I knew it was called Mandy, that Nick Cage was in it, and that, according to Ryan, the poster was pink (because I hadn't even seen the poster!). Unlike most of the other films on this list, I don't know how eager I am to sit down and rewatch this movie, but it was one heck of a fun ride the first time around. Nick Cage is so enjoyable when he goes full throttle into a role. There was nothing left of the actor by the end of the movie, just this … completely deranged emotionally driven character. And the lighting was fantastic. Seriously. When the light alone can make you question what is and isn't really happening... that's fantastic. 

Venom 


Another super hero movie that isn't Infinity Wars dependent! Venom didn't even feel remotely Spider-Man dependent to me.  What Venom was, actually, was a great relationship movie. The relationship between Eddie and Anne was complicated and real, with realistic motives by both parties. The fact that Eddie simultaneously won't give up on Anne, but also sort of likes her new BF is really … nice. Eddie isn't a jerk. He's just sort of selfish, but he knows better than to let his selfishness hurt the person he cares about most in the world. It was nice to see that human dynamic played up against the alien relationship Eddie got sucked into also. And then there were the special effects, which have made me pine for a The Maxx movie! Quick honorable mention to Upgrade, which maybe... probably... certainly did the whole body possessed/symbiotic relationship thing better than Venom. If that's what you're into, the action and emotional transition, maybe see Upgrade instead.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 


Ryan talked this movie up, but I sort of put my blinders up before seeing this BEAUTIFUL, SMART, FUNNY, WHOLESOME movie. I'm grateful that I didn't pay too much attention to it before I saw it, because it was SO NICE to see something SO GOOD without knowing very much. Okay, we all know Spider-Man's story pretty well... but honestly, I am way more familiar with the white Peter Parker story than the Black/Hispanic Miles Morales story, so this was a really pleasant change and we need more. More Miles! Plus, look, more Nick Cage! Oh, and PETER PORKER!? A SPIDER who got bit by a PIG!? Okay, Marvel, whatever, you do you and I'll get into it. Plus the soundtrack is uplifting and exciting.

Apostle 


This was a Netflix release, and I wouldn't usually count films we hadn't seen in the theatre, but the world is changing. So too, are the qualifications for such a list. Apostle was very reminiscent of The Wicker Man in its format. A man goes to an island inhabited by a cult to find a person. Things don't go super great. There are some unexplainable and weird, dark moments that make the film last beyond the viewing experience. It's a film people can discuss and dissect together after seeing, and I love films that bring people together through conversation. That, to me, is a marker of good story telling; the stories that teach us something, make us think deeper or differently, that give us community.


I'd also like to shine a light on an actress who kept popping up and surprising me this year - Jenny Slate. In both Hotel Artemis and Venom she plays smaller roles, but both are absolutely necessary and both are catalysts for the drama. And she doesn't overplay these roles. She's sort of perfect. I look forward to seeing her in lots more in the future! Mona-Lisa in the HOUSE!