Saturday, May 30, 2009

we don't need to be in love

we can hold hands
find shapes in the clouds
and share stories
of our most embarrassing moments
as the offspring of suburbanites

we can play twenty questions
and word association
or tie flowers together
to make necklaces that make us sneeze

we can make up superhero identities
then plot our escape from some super villain
and save the world side by side

we can catch caterpillars
and guess what they'll look like as butterflies

we can be friends

Thursday, May 28, 2009

anything to expidite my parachutte blues

PROMPT 13: A man has a terrifying dream in which he is being sawn in half. He wakes to find himself in the Indian Ocean, naked and clinging to a door; a hotel keycard is clenched in his teeth. Write what happens next.

Leonardo DiCaprio is watching from above,
cooing commands in his boy-wonderful voice
like an angel with strange hair.

the dessert wasn't as warm as he expected
but the water is nice and the air is dry
the fish are red and the turtles swim below the surface.

like Leo said it would, the door unlocks
when he tries the key but he doesn't want to go through it.
the key says Marriot... he thinks... they have those?

no one knows what's happening to him, not even Leo,
who recommends he lay off the magic for a while
hang up his cape and take up a new hobby

like fishing. now would be a great time to start fishing.

i deleted Thesis In Action

thesis in action was my thesis-related blog with zero readers. i started the blog to get my advisor's attention (if you knew him, you'd understand). i told him i started the blog, which he thought was fantastic, then never ever ever so much as looked at it.

the blog started as a collating spot for all my research. there were some article reviews, for example. i also included outlines and drafts at first. but then i began using it to complain about my thesis. how much i hate writing it, hate the topic, hate the blog, hate myself, etc. so i deleted it. it's better off not being seen.

i've never deleted a blog before, but it felt good. really good. i think in part because it was filled with so much negativity towards the work i need to be doing right now. in fact, on my way to school i was thinking about this post. i was thinking about dicussing why i dislike my thesis so much and why it's taking me so long. about how whenever anyone asks me what it's about i just shrug, throw out a few big words until their eyes glaze over and then declair "it's stupid really". but whining about my thesis isn't going to get it done. and if i just get to it, i'm sure it won't be that bad in the end.

i just wish i didn't hate it ^_^

pretty alli

we've had alli since november of 2007 and it's taken her a while, but i'm completely confident now that she feels at home. this morning i spent some time playing with her and her pretty pink ribbon and she purred louder than i've heard her purr yet. cats purring is without a doubt my favorite sound. to hear her so loud was heart warming. i'm so pleased she feels as happy as she appears to now, what with such a tumultuous introduction to our home.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

have a wanting for...

...cute owl necklace clock

and shark attack tee

juvinate (drabble)

after 22 years of service in space, dr. golden was hardened, disagreeable, pessimistic and sad. he was thirsty for something he couldn't prescribe. hungry for something he couldn't find on board. and his appetite grew, his stomach turned in a dull rage as he watched the strange young woman's eyes flutter open. her eyes glued to first pilot toby. their fingers tangled together, hands locked, lips forming awkward smiles. golden left the infirmary after checking her status.

he paced slowly but furiously towards the sauna. he could be alone, could cry without being seen or heard. wasting in heavy envy. 

coming out of the cupbaord

Today, I became a Lifetime Member of Weight Watchers.

I started Weight Watchers in October of 2008. I weighed almost 180. And no amount of Wii Fit was going to help because I didn't know what I was doing when it came to food. I didn't care what I was doing with food. I just ate it.

Seeing pictures of myself made me feel disgusted with the way I looked. My self confidence was null. I was always dressing to cover up embarrassing curves and bulges. It got to the point where I was always thinking about my weight, always negative, and always hiding.

At the point where my confidence (or lack there of) started effecting my relationship with Ryan, I decided to do something. My doctor was the one who recommended Weight Watchers as a solution to my weight concerns.

Within a week of seeing my doctor, I attended my first meeting. I've gone every single week since then (except for the two weeks we spent in Japan). I went through rain, snow, sickness, and even made it the day my car wouldn't start thanks to Ryan.

I lost 30 pounds and am now a healthy 140. My dress size went from a 12-14 to a 6-8! That confidence I'd lost? Back. I feel fantastic. I even bought my very first bikini (always been a tankini or one-piece kinda girl). I have a little jean mini skirt that I love.
But it hasn't been easy. You can't just go to meetings and viola! The way I eat is so different now. Since starting, my relationship with food and the way I think about has changed drastically. For a starter, I actually THINK about what I'm eating.

You may have noticed more posts about food (cupcakes in particular) and you're thinking... hold on here... she's a cupcake fiend, how'd she lose weight!?

Weight Watchers doesn't limit what you can eat. I can have all the cupcakes I want as long as I count them. When I say count, I'm referring to the daily and weekly points system that Weight Watchers uses to help track your food intake.

The difference between the way I used to enjoy cupcakes, and the way I enjoy them now, is so different. Instead of just eating them, I bake them. From scratch. I make the batter, the frosting, everything. The process of baking and decorating (especially with friends) is so much more rewarding than just chomping. Having worked towards making the lovely cakes also means that by the time I get to eat mine, I enjoy it so much more than I would have otherwise because I've looked forward to it.

I don't just bake cupcakes though. I've learned to be more patient in the kitchen. Instead of going for a cereal bar or candy bar or whatever other kind of bar, I take my time to cut and cook vegetables. My breakfast is thought about, measured out, and carefully arranged for maximum pretty.

I take the time to look at the nutrition facts of everything I eat before I buy it at the store, and when I cook, I know everything that goes into my meals. Just that awareness alone is enough to motivate me into making healthy eating choices (which soon become habits, which soon manifest as positive weight loss).

I eat so many more fruits and veggies than I ever did before, and I love them. I've discovered tons of new, healthier ways to fix chocolate into my diet ^_^ which is very important. Just today I made myself a rhubarb crumble with low sugar oatmeal and honey. It's so good, a nice treat, and pretty good for me too.

Finally, I had support. My mom was/is a Weight Watcher so she knows all the rules I play by now (making dinner at her's really easy for me) and my husband is the most positive and support person I'll ever know. They, along with all the lovely women at my weekly meeting, helped me stay in the game, helped me lose weight and gain confidence.

Now that I've reached a stage where I hope to stay for as long as possible (for ever?), I thought it'd be a good time to let everyone know, and to encourage anyone who feels at odds with their image to do something about it. Weight Watchers is one option (a great one as far as I'm concerned), but that's not all there is. Just... go do something for yourself. It's worth it. You're worth it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

in the belly of the wait

want wallow in the punch to time
track yellowed by name brand badges
all alerted to terror in swooning
attractive belly of an ugly beast
on the breast of sun lighting force
against optics to time and prow

Friday, May 22, 2009

uncool: definition

driving around in a white minivan with a fishing poll rack, smoking a cigarette, playing your emineme synth remix so loud it makes my car rattle.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

the baker's confession

mediocre self indulgent baker
wants to make a cake for herself
and write sweet nothings on top
in sparkling green frosting
to celebrate her boredom.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

hands (a drabble)

her eyelids were heavy.

she worked to open them as her mind raced. she would have panicked, but she was sedated. she could feel the cool drugs swimming through her veins. the dizziness gave her the sensation of floating. 

at first, all she could see was her eyelashes, back-lit by the dull, round light above her.

little by little the room came to focus. the man by her side, with her hand in his. he looked tired, desperate. his hair was messy and long. 

the feeling in her hands was dull, but she focused on feeling. she wanted to feel.

the anatomy of distress (a drabble)

halona felt her blood scream. her heart pumped so hard, the sound echoed in her chest. thump. thuMP. thUMP. THUMP. quickening. increasing. the volume so overwhelming. 

her eyes began to water involuntarily. she tried to speak, but the hole in her throat grew smaller with each breath until she couldn't breathe at all. she felt hot. her muscles turn to stone around hollow, rattling bones. she became heavy and numb and feel to her knees. 

anxious. scared. she realized every detail. the gun, the man behind her. his arm under her. the doctor. the needle. the flash of light. 


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

richard herring's blog is ace

richard herring's blog - warming up

jack is a goof

ryan was holding jack like a baby for a little while, then put him down in a pile of pillows. jack just stayed there, purring.

say hello to Neil

neil is the name of my new zune. 

a few months ago dave (my beloved 80GB) had an accident. i'd been leaving him in my coat pocket for maximum easy access. we're best friends. we drive to school together, go on walks through the woods, dance around the kitchen and do the dishes, etc. so one night dave had been in my coat and we had friends over as we often do and something happened. my coat got moved. for all i know, i moved it. i don't remember. i wasn't thinking about it. 

the next morning, a saturday, i woke up, found my coat, and it wasn't until i took dave out of my pocket while in the car that i saw it... the crack that goes from the top left corner of his screen down to the bottom right side. the crack that broke a third of his pixels. the crack that gave birth to the nasty leech that sleeps in his screen so that i can't see what i'm playing. i can't watch movies or tv shows.

this happened just before we went to japan... a 14 hour flight. of course i was upset. in fact, i barely held it together. on top of dave's accident, i've been very stressed. 

i've been a mess, basically.

turns out not only did dave suffer cosmetic damages, his battery got a good whack too. what used to play music for up to 6 hours, now only held a charge for about 20 minutes. i put a formal request to ryan to get a new zune for my birthday (which is in november, mind). i knew by then that this new zune would be named neil.

dave after david bowie. neil after neil hannon.

one night not too long ago, i had a dream that dave was all better. we were singing and dancing and he was healthy again (am i personifying him too much?). when i woke up, i was sad to remember the true nature of dave's state. i told ryan about it, along with a list of other things that'd been upsetting me recently. ryan called me and told me he'd ordered me a new zune, that he'd be here in a few weeks.

i cried. beth can attest to that.  i cried because i was happy, and thankful.  ryan is so amazing and sweet and... 

i cried a little bit too because i didn't feel like i deserved such a prize. not after being a huge grump and not having finished my school work (my thesis work). but ryan insisted i did, and that i do. in fact he's had neil inscribed to say you deserve more than anyone can give - ryan. i don't know if i believe him, but it's the perfect message for me right now. right now i don't feel like i deserve all i have. it's good to think ryan feels i do though ^_^ that makes me feel better.

haha, actually, i cried again when i saw neil this afternoon. tears of happiness are awesome. 

neil is blue. he's an originals with a TADO scene etched on below the enscription by ryan and he's got 120GB of space! 

i'm not sure what i'm going to fill all that space with, seeing as how we've sort of lost all our vids on account of the external hard drive over heating :/ 

p.s. whoever designed the Zune software gets an A+ for making it Katy-Friendly. two zunes, one owner, no problem.

super drabble definition

drabble: a piece of prose fiction consisting of exactly 100 words

super drabble: 10 drabbles that form one continuous plot thread (created by Nicole McLernon)

epic drabble: 100 drabbles that form on colossal continuous plot thread (just created by me, never, to my knowledge, done before)

origins (a drabble)

the big plague killed billions of settlers at the center of the galaxy. so closely gathered, the big plague leaped from planet to planet within a matter of years.

her station created it. the by-product of a simple test, done over and over and over until the results were indisputable, and the devastation was unstoppable.

in a scrabble, survivors created an anti-virus from the strains of previous testing’s and set up 6 pods--one in each direction--with 6 carriers.

but without proper care, the research station was unsustainable. the explosion was devastating, and only one pod escaped the blast.

the capture (a drabble)

(drabble: a piece of prose fiction consisting of exactly 100 words)

he opened the landing bay and backed the boat around the whizzing pod, catching it in a heavy blaze of noise, smoke and fire.

out of the chaos a young woman rolled, full militant garbs, and pointed her shooter at him. his heart raced for the fear of the gun at his face, but pulsed quicker still for the beauty of this woman. tears in her eyes and lost words on her lips.

she turned to a noise. she gave toby her back. with an outstretched arm he caught her as she collapsed, crying the song of a lost war.

punctured (a drabble)

(drabble: a piece of prose fiction consisting of exactly 100 words)

toby heard the distress signal over the coms, disguised by the whizzing and twirling of the antiquated escape pod as it pummeled towards the boat. for all he knew, his chair fell to the floor behind him, but he didn't have time to check. the pod was going to crash through the engine of the ship.

the helm was manned by two young officers. toby brushed them aside, took the boat off auto, and announced over the speakers "hold on!" as the ship lurched under the pressure of the swift change in direction.

the pod passed. toby decided to follow.

33 years (a drabble)

(drabble: a piece of prose fiction consisting of exactly 100 words)

she slept like an angel in the preservation unit. like a crisp slice of bell pepper, protected from the elements. the white light illuminating her gave out before the end of the first decade, but the taps and pipes and vents and wires all stayed opened and connected and pumping.

the exterior shown in light of moons she passed. moons she never saw, would never see, in all of her wanderings through space. the escape pod twirled and gained velocity with every passing solar system. for 33 years she faded from the memory of her people. a martyr in silence.

Monday, May 18, 2009

trouble in the garden

a lot of people say to me
"get out of my garden"

♥ stewart lee

Saturday, May 16, 2009

come in dividers

you can divide me into three sections
as i sit i am the poet, book in lap
typing a poem in the text fields provided

i am the hunger, gawking and sipping
and daydreaming about the next batch of cupcakes
listening to the symphony in my stomach

meanwhile the laundry is in the washing machine
waiting for me to take it out, to set it free
in a closet full of hangers to dry overnight

Friday, May 15, 2009

Thursday, May 14, 2009

can you see the ducks?

beth and i walk to the parking lot together
and see two ducks, a male and a female, wading
in the big stagnant puddle between the two walk ways.

she's an odd sort of person, beth, but looks good in a dress
and she asks the intelligent looking man in the green shirt
if he can see the ducks as he walks by, but he just walks by.

the next person pretends not to hear her over his music
but he looks at the puddle out of curiosity after he passes
so i know he heard her over the music, and then wonder

was he even listening to music?

and then wonder, do ducks respond to music? like plants maybe?
beth bends over laughing, cheeks blushing pink,
i don't want to go home yet, because beth is so much fun.

the ducks don't like us, they waddle to the other side
of the big puddle near the parking lot where our cars are parked.

they pretend not to notice beth when she asks them
if they know about the pond across the street and offers
to drive them over there in her car so they don't have to walk.

the puddle is gross and i agree with her,
i think they would like it in the pond better,
but how do i tell the ducks that?

i don't even know what kind of music they like.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


a lady at mirasol's exclaimed
the benefits of honey for humans

she said "the products of bees
are so good for humans"

as a lump of honey
got caught in my throat

a big plastic spoon in one hand
and a bottle of honey in the other

i shook my head in agreement and smiled
at the middle aged hippy with nice skin

Monday, May 11, 2009

in pursuit of joy

for Jenni and Nicole

in the pursuit of joy and merriment --
mid-way through a toast to long-gone
internet boyfriends -- we all begin to cry.

allowing fat salty tears ruin the taste
of our cheep strawberry wine, and spoil
our brand name attempts to cover surface wounds.

self serving self pity and mutual admiration
for the bravery of each other, around a table
of cakes and hardback books of famous paintings.

we find solace in another tree, another outlet,
to reunite us for another night in nice dresses,
and staring out over the sea

to attractive professors who have no idea
the kind of dreams they stir
as they walk past our nest.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

ryan and al at kansai international airport

while on our trip to japan, i wielded the camera around like a spartan with a shield. it was always at the ready. how else would i have caught pictures like the one above or this one of a cat eating a trash bag?

most of the pictures that have made it onto somethingkaty so far have been the better ones (or at least ones that suit a particular post theme). but there are unnecessary photos too. i must have at least a dozen pictures of ryan and al walking with their backs towards me. i snapped and snapped and snapped pictures each day until the battery in the camera needed recharging.

and while it may seem a tedious way to spend a holiday, it wasn't. the camera was just always in my pocket. and now, as a result of the constant snapping, i have 1,832 visions to remind me of my amazing trip.

though... my blog may suffer longer the nostalgia of japan ^_^

Saturday, May 02, 2009

Dear Lavon,

it's always kind of a drag when i go into work on wednesday expecting you, and get someone else instead (not that i don't like him or working for him, but it's just not the same).

with all the drama (secret katy shaped drama and very open jill shaped drama), and all the tired (craig, kristen), tonight was sort of miserable. and we were busy.

anyway, this is my blog. i write poems, post links to cool websites, and share photos. i wanted to share some of my pictures from japan with you, so here it is.

i hope you like them!

love, katy

Friday, May 01, 2009

japanese carrots


ryan took some quality photos at the Osaka Aquarium, here are my favorites!

Number 1: Octopus!!


Number 3: Turtle Talk

Number 4: Penguin Vanity

Dear Ritin,

Hi Ritin,

Ryan and I just went to Japan. I took 1,832 pictures while we were there!!

One of my favorite things we did while we were there was going to Nara. Nara is a city in the south of Japan where deer roam the streets and eat biscuits all day!

Legend says that a god rode down to this town on a great white deer. So, the deer are sacred creatures and were not scared away by the people moving into their forests. Instead, people fed the deer to make them stay.

Because no one scared away the deer and their forest was preserved (the only buildings in the woods are temples and shrines), you can visit there today and the deer are as friendly as people!

All the shops sell deer biscuits (one packet costs 150 Yen, which is the same as $1.50). Ryan and I bought a whole bunch of biscuits and I got to feed the deer all day!

The deer LOVE the biscuits. They love them so much, actually, that they've learned to bow (everyone in Japan bows to each other as a way of greeting, and being polite).

Attached to this email are some pictures of me and Ryan feeding some friendly deer.

I hope to see you all soon (school is really hard right now, and I'm very busy, but the summer will be here soon).

Katy & Ryan
(and all the kittens - Rowdy, Jack and Alli)

all the wishes

my propensity towards wordiness
is muffled by a new wish for silence