Wednesday, November 03, 2021


why do I hang on to 
his disgust for my grief
for you?

why make excuses 
for someone who should have cared
more for my heart than his selfish need
for denial?

Sunday, September 26, 2021

blue detail

seven out of ten
fingertips warmed by a cup
on an autumn day


chickens at Blaze farm
don't think highly of children
they prefer lettuce

Sunday, August 29, 2021

night sounds

over sounds of us
with background music playing
croakers croak louder

Wednesday, July 07, 2021


the ebb of ideas
no output, not a problem
the tide keeps flowing

Saturday, June 12, 2021


Some nights are hard.

Wednesday, May 26, 2021

ivy, my dear

scratch around poison
bubbling on skins surface
from tiny green leaves

Sunday, May 23, 2021


we rest on the day
recuperate energy
soaking in the sun

Tuesday, May 18, 2021

work phone

waiting for the phone
to install a new update
while birds chirp outside

Monday, April 19, 2021


when I was little
my ice cream flavor of choice
was strawberry, pink

Sunday, April 11, 2021

lumber jack

we associate
the smell of death with newness
cut trees in the yard

Wednesday, April 07, 2021

a break on cleaning day

a blend of spearmint and green tea
a swirl of honey from a local apiary
holding the mug under your nose
blocking out the smell of bleach

Saturday, April 03, 2021

the sky is a strange color, the geese think so too

the night sky is blue
bright blue like a film made dark
geese honk from the bog

in the cards

let me be the one
white turkey feathered one
let me peck the soil

Tuesday, March 30, 2021


Okay, I'm tired.
I just learned about that boat,
the big one, you know.

Sunday, March 21, 2021

run off

take my cut, my take
my portion, a donation
let the water run

Thursday, March 18, 2021


moments made open
tucked between the light and dark
questions the sunrise

Tuesday, March 16, 2021


let the world crackle
contracting and expanding
like flowers in bloom

Saturday, March 13, 2021

let's wonder

I wonder, are you
thinking of me as much as
I am wishing so

Wednesday, March 10, 2021


we are all tired
we are all trying our best
we are blades of grass

Sunday, March 07, 2021


in a dream with you
the spinning will not stop us
from discovery

Tuesday, March 02, 2021


escape with my heart
pathetic in your big hands
red with blood and clay


movie night with you
and a big bowl of popcorn
your arm around me

Sunday, February 28, 2021


hold me upside down
count the reps and feel the burn
let me go. repeat.

Tuesday, February 23, 2021


take pause and look up
growth will take repetition
a covered pathway


hot skin, pink cheeks burn
sweat smell mixed with 3am
and sleep disturbed

Monday, February 22, 2021


wrapped up in light
incapable of feeling
for the door handle

Saturday, February 20, 2021


so we all want to
want a little attention
but not ask for it

Friday, February 19, 2021


don't open me up
crack the shell to see inside
it's all just dried leaves

Thursday, February 18, 2021


an endless scroller
desperate for some feel good
through the dirt and grass

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

drunk people should not try to make tea

at a party once
someone melted a kettle -
an electric one


on both feet today
two hips to the beat and back
the sun is shining

Tuesday, February 16, 2021


force yourself to stop
deep breathing in, out, in, out
and wait for the sun

Sunday, February 14, 2021


if he wrote poems
about your curves and edges
would that be creepy?


ate a burrito
i made out of leftovers 
for breakfast at noon


between lines between hot lips
overlooking snow


multiple layers
to combat temperatures

Saturday, February 13, 2021


morning with myself
a hot cup of tea with milk
And upset stomach

Friday, February 12, 2021


I say yes to the
torrent of emotion tied to
a diagnosis

Thursday, February 04, 2021

something I do

Someone told me to write
My too-big-feeling feelings down

On small bits of paper
And burn them or throw them away

As a way to see the big feeling, name it
Then let it go, let it evaporate.

Someone told me this is what she does.

I didn't want to burn my feelings
So what if I wrote them down

Or origami paper
And turned them into cranes?

I walked to the store from my office
To get popcorn kernels for my husband.

There's a particular kind he says 
Pop bigger and they weren't there

When he went last. 

On my way back to my office
I remembered the art store.

Walked in and bought
Two packs of origami paper

One with designs visible
And one just white.

The white ones are for painting
With water colors before folding

And I thought I wouldn't end up
Using the white ones at all.

So I fold a couple birds a week
All colorful and filled with worries.

This is something I do now.

Tonight someone passed away
And I found an important use

For the blank white paper.
A white crane sits on the dining room table.

Friday, January 29, 2021

chocolate chips

A day filed under success
Ends with a cup of decaf tea

And a handful of milk chocolate chips
From a secret bag 

Stashed in a drawer
Filled with cupcake papers

And expired rainbow sprinkles

Friday, January 22, 2021


written in sharp pencil
inside the wings of a paper crane

fears exposed in graphite
for no one to see.

Sunday, January 17, 2021

he says

this is our morning - the alarm goes off
on his side of the bed. he sleeps facing west.

he rises his torso and says "stop" to the robot
that lives inside the display. she stops.

i stir. he turns and speaks, but i can't understand
because my ears are still asleep. my eyes stuck closed.

"wha?" i lift myself and he says "i love you."
and i say "oh" and then "i love you too" and after 16 years

it just occurs to me this morning
that the first thing he says to me each day

is "i love you" and i wonder how long he's been doing that
and i feel both careless and adored as i bang my head on the wall

while trying to get my slippers on so I can feed that cats.

Friday, January 01, 2021


I am catogorically
a kitchen witch. 

My wand is a wooden spoon
Interchangeable with a rubber spatula.

My spell books are filled
With easy to find ingredients

And detailed instructions
That are easy to misunderstand

Without experience 
And familiarity with tools of the craft.

The results, the creations,
Have turned cold hearts

Into pursed lips, sighs of satisfaction,
Strangers in submission to my powers

Of confections. Wielded with precision 
and always for a price. 

Always a fair price. 

Thursday, December 31, 2020

in the WINS column of 2020

A year ago, I had an idea of what today would look and feel like for me. It's completely different from what I imaged. I am completely different from who I was a year ago. We all are, whether we acknowledge it or not.

There have been so many LOSES this year.

Lives and livelihoods. Routines and traditions. 

So I wanted to take some time to focus on my personal wins. This is a simple but difficult exercise for me. This is an important exercise for me. I do not want to forget this year, or write it off entirely.

My WINS column of 2020

There's a Podcast All Right. In August of 2019 I bulldozed my way into the lives of Goldie & Janna. I love them both so much, and they let me! In February, we launched our Twin Peaks podcast. We've published 27 episodes (a few of them are just trailers, but heck, I'm counting them!). We've gotten over 2,500 unique downloads. Getting a little bit of attention is one thing, but what has become more valuable to me is the connection with two incredible people through a shared passion. Recording sessions with Goldie & Janna have become a mental and emotional anchor for me throughout this seriously wild year. I've also learned a lot about the process of recording, editing, publishing, and publicizing a podcast. It's involved. And it's rewarding.

Hyde Came to Cape Cod. Our friend of 16 years came to celebrate his birthday with us this year. It was his first visit to Cape Cod and it was an absolute joy! We got to treat him to his first taste of real New England Clam Chowder. We got to treat him to a special birthday dinner out and crepes mille birthday cake. He's the only Twin Peaks family we got to see this year in person and I am BEYOND grateful that he got to come here in February. Love you, Bryan! 

Couch to 5k and beyond. In June, while Ryan was upping his marathon training, I decided to make a positive change for myself. I was partly inspired, no joke, by the Netflix show The Floor is Lava. I watched regular people in decent shape have a hell of a lot of fun on a goofy tv show and I wanted so much to be part of it. Or at least, I wanted to be capable of being part of it. So I downloaded a podcast series called Couth to 5K, published by the NHS. My only goal was to get out the door. I followed instructions and in 9 weeks I was able to comfortably run 30 minutes. Within a couple months from then I could run 3 to 5 miles 3 times a week with comfort and have done so ever since. I have even run 6 miles a couple times and have a 7 mile route planned. It feels so good to be able. And as a side effect, I've lost 20 pounds from March to now. Special mention here of my dear friend Nicole, who inspired me to run without headphones too, which has become a real blessing all of its own.

One Perfect Dinner. I woke up one morning in early September with a craving for biryani. I conspired with Ana-Maria about my craving. I shared my fantasy to pick up food at Ryan and my favorite local Indian restaurant chain, Shanti, and show up at the Belanders' backyard to share the bounty in exchange for safely distanced company and mocktails. It was, like I said, a fantasy. But Ana-Maria, Ryan, Landers, they were all in for it. The day and time would work. We were all healthy, all cautious. The restaurant was near enough to their backyard. The weather was agreeable. I found parking. The woman was bringing my order out of the back as I walked in to collect it. She complimented my hair. The drinks Landers made went perfectly with the flavors spread out around the table in plastic containers, still warm. The conversation was lively and we were all graced with leftovers from the meal. It went PERFECTLY. Like a dream. And in contrast to every other plan we've tried to make and execute this year. I will forever remember the joy I felt in accomplishment that night. The bravery in expressing my fantasy.

Grief Group. On November 2nd I learned that a dear friend from graduate school was on hospice care at home. Four of us that were close to her arranged to chat that Thursday. We knew there wasn't much time and we knew that we would need each other. Jenni passed away on November 4th. I found out on the 5th. I am forever grateful that we had that chat scheduled already. I lost Jenni, but I won Beth, Nicole, and Katey all over again. They have become my grief support group and so so so much more. I love you ladies SO MUCH.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons. Okay, yep. This is a video game. But it's not just a video game. I made new friends through playing it, and have been staying in touch with Faye most regularly through the game. I am so grateful to Nintendo for creating a place for me to escape to when I most need it. And for creating a tune for me to hum when the anxiety is so bad I can feel it filling my chest. I hum it A LOT. It's my inner-song. That is such a gift. 

Mesdames des Macarons. My little company turned 10 years old in Nov/Dec of 2020. To celebrate, and because I was not going to be able to sell at the one market we usually have around our "birthday", I completely changed my business model this year. I used new tools (google forms and square) to set up a Macaron of the Month Club. Thanks to the help and support of Mary, I was able to rejuvenate the company after a long seven months of not baking at all. It turned out to be a nice way to celebrate and has gone really smoothly aside from most Christmas orders getting shuffled in the mail due to COVID. This change and my company go in the win column because I so easily could have let it sit out, let it fade, let it escape me. Instead, I innovated. I'm proud of that.

All Elite Wrestling. Okay, yep. This is a wrestling promotion. This goes in the win column for 2020 because so few routines held up this year. Fortunately for us, we picked the right sport to watch. Every Tuesday and Wednesday night this year, I could reliably settle in for a couple of hours or more and let most of the real world wash away while I watched hot bodies with beautiful minds beat each other up and flip over each other for my entertainment. And what a great group of accepting, talented, and wonderful people I have found to admire from this company. I will be forever grateful. Having discovered Abadon, Lance Archer, Ricky Starks, Top Flight, and many more this year, is part of this win. 

There are so many KEEPS in 2020 too. There are a lot of things and people that have stayed with me this year. Some of them has strengthened. These are kind of like honorable mentions... Ryan, Alli, Rowdy, Daniella, Liz, Erin, Kelly, Jason, Faye & Hawkins, Shane & Sheila, my family (though it's freaking complicated), work (though that's even more complicated), my house/home, Caitlin (my pen pal!), Michelle, Becki, my Twin Peaks family, my WW family, my Gustare family (some of the coolest teenagers I have *ever* met, I met this year), and there are more, for sure. Everyone who's stayed in touch with me, shared with me, checked up on me. Thank you all so so so so much. I love you so so so much.

Friday, October 09, 2020

tired is

trying to express your level of fatigue 
without coopting, appropriating, comparing.

trying to measure trauma against normal,
while normal breaks, fractures, disintegrates.

caffeinating. passé. or past its sell by date.

hitting the refresh symbol expecting something
to happen this time. the 200th time.

writing it down. 
in couplets. 

Friday, May 15, 2020

i am working on something hidden

some(most)times, the work in progress
shows here. in this space.

other(few)times, it is hidden deep
in the pathways between the heart and the head.

and when it is ready, the poet will take off her mask.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020


press past the crust
into the core of the earth

with your bare feet
on a mat made of soft pvc

that could kill a roaming sea turtle
in search of its dinner.

find your heart center
and imagine being as flexible

as the woman on your laptop screen
or having a room in your home

that had a wall as empty
or a floor as clean as her

made for youtube backdrop.
don't let your mind wander.

press your big toes
into the future

and try not to imagine
where exactly the opposite side

of the globe is and what kind of
sandwich you could make

with the stranger on the other side.
focus on breathing.

press your palms down
to the bottom of the water table

which you know isn't so deep
after last spring's flood

and breath in while you gently push
the cat off the mat

where your feet are supposed to go
and breath out while you give up

on moving the cat off the mat.
the cat is your heart center.

you found it. sit down
and pet it until it purrs

and the lady on your laptop
is in the savasana pose.

breath and press into your day.

Monday, January 13, 2020


day dreaming about the grocery store
about buying bread, jelly, and peanut butter
to keep in a desk drawer at my office
and wondering, would the jelly keep?

Saturday, October 19, 2019


see a surge in
free wood after a storm

farm fresh chicken eggs
still five dollars

per dozen
out of the warm cooler

on the side
of a road

to get at

pull in to someone's
gravel driveway

and leave the engine running
leave the cash 

in a mason jar
the metal lid

cut and rusted
so once the money goes in

it doesn't come out
no making change

leave with four dozen


a silver sedan
parked in the eco lot

near the airport
goes unnoticed

into the third week
passed planned

keys packed in the luggage

unclaimed at security
with the name

of the recently 

printed in barcode
on a sticky

white label

Tuesday, October 01, 2019

cranberry harvest

the sun beam doesn't glisten
off one particular spot

not locked by coordinates
it rides the waves down each gap

in the growth of the cranberry bog
as the harvesters flood it

Tuesday, September 24, 2019

sequence gap

performance paused
for a deep breath

before the world ends
let's hold hands

and stare up at the moon
until we see double

occupying the vacancies
filling the ocean with lava

solidifying our end
as we become rocks

like punctuation marks
on our own history

Friday, July 26, 2019

robots writing poetry

looking for inspiration, I asked the internet
and found a "random poem generator"

that wasn't random at all, but a series of pages
filled with empty fields for me to fill in...

suggest a noun. 
the website suggests something like "sea" or "book"

because that's what all poems are actually about.
they're never about loose pamphlets the wind blew onto the floor

that were then trampled over by some unaware, sandal-wearing
dad with two pairs of prescription glasses hanging

from his $60 v-neck t-shirt with a tiny hole in the chest
from where the cat used him as a parkour platform

to better catch a month after he'd only had the shirt
two days.

give a hint.
so that the robots can better identify your noun

when looking it up online. because the robots
also don't know anything really, it's all stored away

and like us they have to retrieve it from somewhere
just like we do with our phones while we're sat

around a summer camp fire trying to remember
the name of the women who played the villain

in the latest power rangers movie.
Elizabeth Banks.

i got board and decided to write my own poem instead.
how could none of us remember Elizabeth Banks?

American. National. Treasure.
Elizabeth. "That is Mahogany!" Banks.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

reading your heart

reading your poems
devouring them

understanding the pain
not because i have felt it

in my life, so charmed,
but i have felt it come

through your words
the shards swallowed

the callouses formed
around your sensitive parts

and i wonder if the words you wrote
really did heal you, even just a little bit

because i feel fuller, healed
and strong from your words

i want to give some back to you
to create a dramatic

woman healing woman
feedback loop.

Monday, July 08, 2019


who do i cry to
about how heavy
it feels inside this spell
of silence?
who hasn't heard it before,
the moaning of uncertain
how not hearing from you
can make me dread
the vacation I'm taking
that up until two days before
i was excited for... because
i don't want to leave you
like this...

Monday, June 10, 2019

a new rules of lemons

micro-plane little curls of 
yellow peel, sweet with bitterness

down to the white, then slice
in half, ready to squeeze

in a vice designed specifically
for yellow fruit, the size of a lemon

the juices bursting out everywhere
in tiny droplets, pulp pushing out 

of the little holes in the vice until
the scent of lemon rules the room.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019


we are the deer neck-deep
in your neighborhood swimming pool

our antlers up, ears twitching
listening to you argue about what to do

to get ride of us without hurting us
and wondering if we know how to use the stairs

while the biggest bucks are dancing
around the small herd of white tails

escaping the heat and the bear
that's coming up behind you.

Thursday, May 16, 2019

rough days

Rough days. They happen. Today was one of them. It feels like the world is smaller. Its gravity is stronger. The consequences more severe. The pain more real. A quick cry in the car. Go lie on the floor of my friend’s new apartment and wait for more friends to arrive. I ramble cryptically. Offer one of the people around me half of my life. We negotiate down to one third. My partner takes me home. I step away, be alone. When I resurface, he’s at the bottom of the stairs awkwardly holding a very full, hot cup of tea.


tea finds its way into our writing our poetry our drabbles liquid capable of conquering empires raising dynasties giving birth to war that inspired the child to invent a language and pursue love that stains an old pot by the kettle by the sink waiting to be filled and poured out into perfect cups poured out over perfect conversations like the poet leaning over the back of a lounge yearning to find the words for the magic that no one has yet to put together just the right way that stirs the heart like milk in a cup of tea

Wednesday, May 15, 2019


poetry month continues
bleeds into a drabble a day
like one cup of tea turns into two
because i haven't finished this book
that a friend gave me
that her friend wrote
and wrote beautifully, if i might say so
so i do say. it makes my heart
pound feel realer. heavier. truer.

Monday, May 13, 2019


That evening she sat staring at the incredible, abundant, extravagant beauty her friends, family, neighbors, and acquaintances had delivered to her. Still unsure of why and wondering what to do with so many flowers and plants, she wept. Tears that overwhelmed her. What love was this? What motivation did so many people have to visit and wish her well. What journey they spoke of… and slowly her heart swelled. It takes time for the spirit of a human to understand. To comprehend. The journey she was taking was one she would never be able to share with them. The living.


All day friends stopped by her home. The first arrived at 7:26 am on her way to work. With flowers. Each of them who could come themselves dropped off a small bouquet or potted plant. Three different flower delivery vans came by that day, each dropping off multiple gifts. The day went on and on. Visitor after visitor coming by, saying hello, sharing love and well wishes, then vanishing, leaving flowers in their wake. It wasn’t her birthday, it wasn’t a holiday, she wasn’t grieving or celebrating anything that she knew of. But someone had planned this. A mysterious day.

Monday, May 06, 2019

drabblers' condition

drabblers' condition is a minor ailment derived from the self-imposed rule that one must compose and post one new drabble every day in the month of may. the condition lies dormant until the drabbler becomes either lazy, overwhelmed, or uninspired; thereby missing one day of continuous composition and posting. drabblers afflicted with this condition have two courses of action in which to alleviate the condition. one, one can simply carry on, pretending no days have gone missed. or two, compose an extra drabble the next day and pretend no days of gone missed. this condition only occurs in may.

Saturday, May 04, 2019


when composing a drabble one might consider form. however, the limitation of composing something consisting of exactly 100 words is in itself a form. one may argue that the limitation directs or informs the form of the composition.

however, again, a drabbler may chose any form or layout that they chose.

one may present their 100 words in a standard paragraph form.

and yet another
may present a series

of couplets. and so
it is agreed upon

that the form of a drabble is fluid and defined outside of the word count parameters. one may and should use any form.

Friday, May 03, 2019


contents may vary from drabble to drabble.

some drabbles may be sweet ruminations on the budding spring time while others may be bemoaning mini tirades on one's swollen sinuses and watery eyes.

some drabbles may be quirky and allusive while others are direct and poignant.

some drabbles may contain references to revolutions fought, fighting, or to be fought while others are mere meandering flights of fancy like fantastic tiny journeys on the backs of bumble bees.

still yet other drabbles may reveal themselves to be nothing more than instructions on fixing the perfect snack.

but they all stir the heart.

Thursday, May 02, 2019


1. open word counting tool. (bookmark or download one if you haven't already.)
2. poor a hot cup of trader joe's mint watermelon tea. (product placement. send back up tins, this stuff is delicious!)
3. begin composition.
3a. think of a word or a place.
3b. begin to ruminate on said word or place.
(different drabblers may have different techniques when it comes to inspiration)
3c. type out your thoughts in your word counter.
4. begin to panic that you either a) have written too many words or b) have a perfect little poem at 85 words.
5. edit profusely.

Wednesday, May 01, 2019


In order to complete the task, the task must first be defined.

In May, the task is to compose drabbles. To engage in drabbling. Defined here:


A drabble is a piece of writing consisting of exactly 100 words.

Fiction. Nonfiction. Poetry. Prose.

Example: I will write one drabble every day in the month of May.


To drabble is to compose a piece of writing consisting of exactly 100 words.

Fiction. Nonfiction. Poetry. Prose.

Example: I am drabbling every day in the month of May.

The task is to create one drabble every day of the Month of May.

Friday, April 26, 2019

grumble mug

grumbling into my mug of
muddy decaffeinated tea

[it's been enhanced by sugars
and fats from various sources]

grumbling to myself because
no one else is here

and no one else would care
[probably] or at least

not enough to respond
with anything helpful

so grumble away, me.
grumble all day as long

as the work gets done.

personal nimbus

you oppressive cloud
rung out over me

casting across all my paths,
if i ignore you

will you get worse
or go away?

Tuesday, April 23, 2019

the muscle fibers caught up

reaching out to wrap
an arm around another

lips pulled back in a smile
or turned down in a pout

rushing from one gate
to another to catch a flight

or pulling himself up
out of a chair after a nap

the stretch of muscle
is visible under skin

and we're all caught up
in the motions of the flexing

and relaxing

Friday, April 19, 2019

the green river girl

there's a girl, the green river girl.
i invented her.

at first, she was just a pleasantry
an imaginary friend

to the girl inside me named something
who i invented so she could write poems,

but then the green river girl grew up
fed off the grief and fear of losing my pa.

she siphoned my turmoil, my sadness,
and spread it out across the valleys

of the Pacific Northwest of America.
she planted seeds all around this place

where i trek once a year
knowing I'd keep coming back

and eventually see the blossoms
of what she planted for me here.

today we - me, something, and the green river girl -
took the familiar trail down to the bottom

of the falls we stare at for long periods of time
to remember and honor all our past feelings

and today i recognized the fruits and flowers
that were planted a decade ago

by the green river girl, weighed down as she is,
by rocks and sadness, and stuck here forever

in these trees and this water, green and strong.

Monday, April 15, 2019

driving rain

car parts break or fault
houses made of wood will leak

and we keep trekking forward
through the driving rain

Sunday, April 14, 2019


stitched back together
with wax covered thread

by a weak needle
and shaking fingers

but with the kind of care
that makes up

for lack of knowledge
or practice

and stays reattached
even in rough weather

Friday, April 12, 2019

wide screen

i have a wide screen
computer monitor at work

and the bottom of the screen
(it's 25" (i measured it))

is covered edge to edge
with little post it notes

(the 2" square ones
(i measured those too))

some are stuck three long
one on top of another

on top of another.
they are reminders

of what must be done.
a colorful to-do list

across the bottom
of my wide screen monitor.

Tuesday, April 09, 2019


i did something to water
something that upset it

so all the liquids i interacted with
did their best to drip





so much so that i felt
much like a soggy squirrel

flapping my tail
most of the day

water was not my element
but then i'm air anyway

at least that's what Ajia thinks
she told me when i complained

about my water problem
while water splashed up

from the basin of the sink
and soaked into the apron i'd put on

for protection

Monday, April 08, 2019

either way.

stand up. stop. if you have toes, can you feel them? stand still. wiggle them. how many do you have? if a whale and a deer are related by a type of hip bone, do you buy the purple flowers or the yellow ones to make the wet deer happy? either way, they were both picked. wiggle your toes again. how many do you have? i have ten. i have had ten for quite a while now. a while, a long time, a life time, all relative to the short line at the locally owned coffee place that only has five kinds of milk.

Sunday, April 07, 2019

cherry blossom bandit

no one suspected
the big grey goose

with the bright orange beak
was capable

of such heinous

alas, he had a tendency
to rob local shops

of their cherry blossom
flavored baked goods

during the busy festival
in spring

Saturday, April 06, 2019

puddle skipper

a fish out of water
would die

i'm much more like
a squirrel in a deep puddle

Friday, April 05, 2019

the meaning of tired

the word tired
describes how i feel
most of the time

tired is a little word
but this little word
has many meanings

such as i stayed out
too late last night
and regret it a little now

or i do the same things
over and over and over
and see no end in sight

sometimes it means
do i have to do this again
didn't i do this yesterday?

it can mean chocolate
where is the chocolate
i am going to need chocolate

or it can mean i ate
too much chocolate
even though that seems impossible

or wondering why the heck
recreational fishing
seems like a relaxing idea

when actually it's really
mean to trick a fish
and totally ruin its day

tired can also mean
i feel like i've seen
this show before

it must be a repeat
or i've been watching
too much reality tv

it can mean wearing
the same shoes
for six months

tired can mean
the sun is warm
through the window

so today i am staying home
with the cats and eating
more chocolate

Wednesday, April 03, 2019

lookbook emotions

today i am wearing

to match my new

yesterday i wore

with a bright and beautiful

two weeks ago
i sported this really cute

later today i will put on
my best

when the weather warms up
i'll be riding around in
my favorite pair of

and when fall hits
we'll all wrap ourselves up
in the warmest

until the holidays
happen upon us
and we put on our

but disguise it with
chocolate and marshmallow themed

Tuesday, April 02, 2019

pocket full of lumens

what kind of world
where he can

walk around all day
with a pocket full of lumens

more than 10 million pixels
if we count the sub ones

10 million of anything
is reason enough

for a purse

Monday, April 01, 2019

Friday, March 01, 2019


in one hand i spin one plate
that holds cute pens and stickers

in another hand i spin another plate 
that holds social media apps - 

facebook, instagram, 
the twitter accounts i never check

from one foot i spin yet another 
that holds excel, quickbooks, zimba

balanced on my nose i spin a plate 
that wobbles because it holds the most delicate balance 

- the balance between answering the phone
 and taking a bite of lunch

Monday, February 25, 2019

blue anyway

a sky, blue and clear,
let down candy floss
snow flakes

wind gusts swirled
the soft flakes
like a magician

causing eyes to dart
and hearts to feel
a sensation like wonder

a curious urge
to move with the wind
and become part of the scene

feet flit on gravel
and the world is full
and her eyes awake

ready for more wonders
more contradictions
and anomalies of nature

under a sky so blue
in a storm that moves
so much and yet

calm prevails

Monday, January 28, 2019

tried and tried

i think she's dead now,

but it's hard

to get a straight forward answer
from her sometimes.

i had tried,

and this was years ago,

to help her.

i tried talking to her, sending care packages,
hundreds of dollars,

until she got sloppy,
and i caught her lying.

i felt like a fool.

but i tried to talk to her,
tried to get her help,
but she didn't want real help.

at least, not from me.

so i lost her.

i had to lose her.

and now completely.

completely lost.

Tuesday, January 22, 2019

winter wanderer

boot prints disrupt the snow
in zigs and zags

a meandering tracker
chasing day dream fancies

while avoiding branches
weighed down by fresh snow

Monday, January 21, 2019

the puck

driven across a flooded and frozen bog
the puck glides, bumps, jumps, and swerves

a kid in a green jersey rushes after it
falls and slides towards it, laughing

other kids skate around him like a swarm
they can't find the puck, does he have it?

he keeps laughing, uncontrollably,
giddy from the fun on the ice.

in the background his sister falls.
she's just learning how to skate.

in two months she'll be better than him
at his favorite sport, and he won't mind.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

match made

nana used to use the dishwasher to store food
like crackers, bread and cereal until we all moved in

and we needed it to keep up with the demand for spoons
that's when she started storing snacks in a hanging shoe rack

that clanged against the door to her bedroom
whenever she opened or closed it.

Monday, January 14, 2019

color coded

we warn visitors
that our cat Rowdy
is color coded.

you can pet all the parts of him
that are covered in orange fur,
but not the white bits.

the parts of our cat
that are covered in white fur
are off limits for petting.

that's Rowdy's rule,
not ours. we have to abide
by the color code too.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

four blue birds in the yard

Alli chirps
eck eck, eck eck, eck eck eck

speaking a language
she thinks the blue jays will understand

Saturday, January 05, 2019


an ashamed container:

to be buried in the trash

or left in the freezer? a facade. an embarrassment.

left empty either way.

Friday, January 04, 2019


hand in pocket
reminded that this morning

i put a spoon in my coat pocket
but now i can't remember why

Wednesday, January 02, 2019


the sad that envelopes a year
that he will never know

is worse with each sun that rises
and does not know him either.

Tuesday, January 01, 2019


I found four needles
and a large spool

of colorful yarn
so i knit until my fingers hurt

from years of sitting
without knitting

Monday, December 31, 2018

Katy's Top Movies of 2018

Ryan and I saw 59 new movies this year at the theatre. And I am including a Netflix release in my list here, since the film on my list never got a theatrical release. These are all films I want to watch again, films that left an impression, or inspired me somehow. The films in the list are presented in almost the order I viewed them. I may have mixed them up a bit. The point is, they are not ordered from best to worst or favorite to least favorite. 

And take note! Just because a film isn't in my list, doesn't mean I didn't enjoy it, or didn't think it was a great movie, either. I, Tonya, Death of Stalin, Deadpool 2, Ralph Breaks the Internet, The First Purge, RGB, Love, Simon, Lady Bird, Incredibles 2, these are all really great movies! I think there were only three movies I watched this year that I didn't really find any value in and do not want to see again. There are some great movies NOT on my list, and films that probably deserve some attention like The Hate U Give, but it's not included because, well, I actually enjoyed the book more. There are some great performances that aren't included like Michael Shannon in the Shape of Water, where the film doesn't find its way into my list. Films that I found to be a lot of fun like Infinity War or The MEG, but just didn't make the final cut.

Okay, so... here's the list!!

Black Panther 

Yes. This movie will likely be on everyone's lists for 2018. My main attraction to this film is all of the incredible women who dominated the movie on screen and behind it. In particular, I read an interview before the film came out about the costume designer who sourced her inspiration for costumes from a wide variety of African nations and bound them together through one beautiful film. And there's an incredible episode of sound exploder about the Killmonger theme. The movie was bright in both senses - colorful and smart. I can't really find fault with it. 


Here's a conversation I had this summer about Annihilation... Him: "... what I don't get is why did it have to be all women?" Me: "Would you ask that question if it were all men?" Him: "No." Then I think he went on to say something like "you have a point there" but I can't recall the exact wording.  This conversation is *exactly* why we should have more films like this, like Ghostbusters, like Incredibles 2, like Widows, like Ocean's 8. It should *not* be special, unique, or "odd" for a film to be led by an all or predominately female cast. Plus, this film was weird and pretty. Weird and pretty is good. Good sci-fi, with some really astounding visuals. 

Game Night

This movie is fun. I don't think I should have to justify it any more than that. It has some unexpected turns too, which add to the value of the story. Plus, this is one of the movies we saw not long after losing Jack and it made me smile and laugh. I think I'll always be grateful for this movie for it's levity and charm. 

A Quiet Place 

For someone who had never directed, and who was not a fan of horror by his own admission, the guy from the office made a pretty damn good horror film! I love hearing stories of people afraid to eat their snacks in the theatre because the film was so quiet. I also love that they cast a young actress, Millie Simmonds, with the same hearing challenge as the character she portrays. This shouldn't be unique, but it is, and needs to be pointed out so that it happens more, right? If the character is deaf, why shouldn't a deaf actress get the role? She was phenomenal in A Quiet Place. She made the film work for me. 

Isle of Dogs

This films, like most of Wes's movies, is aesthetically pleasing, a tad emotionally upsetting, and has charming characters. Plus it has Yoko Ono and puppies! What else do you want? Hmmn? More cats, I guess... 

Bad Samaritan

Here's one of the movies that stuck with me. It's a messed up tale that you should go see without knowing too much about it! David Tennant is horrifying. I get the creeps just thinking about it, honestly. I had to include it on my list even though I don't think I'll rewatch it, because I want everyone else to watch it too. 


Ah, now here is a case for great advertising and how it can shape your movie viewing experience for the better. Not to spoil anything... but something happens. Not to spoil anything else... I did NOT see it coming. I am not sure how to talk about this film without spoiling it, so go see it and get back to me. Scary, creepy, thought provoking, gross, scary, beautiful, yikes. 

Hotel Artemis 

Sterling K. Brown's voice is blissful. Jodie Foster is a great character actor. Batista clearly really likes acting even if he isn't the best at it yet. Sofia Boutella is gorgeous and deadly. The film is simple, pretty, entertaining, takes a turn here and there, but won't leave you feeling car sick, and Sterling K. Brown's voice is blissful.

Ant-Man and the Wasp

In a post Infinity War world, I think I am allowed to give any Marvel super hero moves a bit of credit just for standing up on their own plots. We only saw this movie once, and I can't remember all of the points that I made, but I distinctly remember walking out the theatre listing all the things I thought the movie did well. Here's what I can recall... the Wasp is in the title. She's smart and strong and nothing would get done without her. The mother figure is powerful and composed, even though she needs others to help her, she holds her own. Antman is a decent dad. Especially when you compare him to some of the other father figures in the movie. The movie was fun and bright and kept its threat level in check. While Infinity War was great, I put this movie over it simply because I, Katy, would rather sit down and rewatch Antman and the Wasp over all the avengers sloshing about in space for two hours.

Jurrasic World: Fallen Kingdom

We saw it twice because it's fun AND scary! Also, Bryce Howard Dallas's character got some reasonable foot ware this time! The movers and shakers behind the scenes actually listened to the complaints of their fanbase and made the change. Plus, that adorable little baby pachycephalosaurs was, well, adorable!

I had an intense experience during the end of this film. Spike Lee chose to show the neo Nazi terrorist attack that took place in Charlottesville. I had not seen the video footage before then. I'd seen images, read reports, but chose not to expose myself to the video. So the end of the movie hit me right were it was supposed to hit. It was akin to watching the Twin Towers crumble for the first time. It was difficult and horrible and real. So thank you, Spike Lee. It was unforgettable. Besides that, the film was intelligent, funny, uncomfortable, thought provoking, and definitely worth everyone's time. 


I've been a fan of Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal for a little while now. I enjoy their music, poetry, and have been following both of their blossoming careers on Instagram. I knew the film was coming out for a long while and almost missed seeing it on the big screen. We drove to Rhode Island, the next state over, to catch it in a cinema, and I'm glad we did! The film lived up to the hype I'd been fed on IG for months. Seeing and enjoying the movie was almost like seeing friends succeed. I feel proud. The film also gave me a new vocabulary word - blindspots. The parts of the world, the perspectives, that we're blind to due to our lives and experiences. If we as individuals can acknowledge that we have them, then perhaps we can begin to change our view enough to see them and see others better for who and what they are in the world we share. It's a valuable way to think about other people's experiences compared to my own. And I'm still really enjoying the soundtrack EPs. 


It is a rare treat to go see a movie at the theatre and know nothing about it. Well, not nothing... I knew it was called Mandy, that Nick Cage was in it, and that, according to Ryan, the poster was pink (because I hadn't even seen the poster!). Unlike most of the other films on this list, I don't know how eager I am to sit down and rewatch this movie, but it was one heck of a fun ride the first time around. Nick Cage is so enjoyable when he goes full throttle into a role. There was nothing left of the actor by the end of the movie, just this … completely deranged emotionally driven character. And the lighting was fantastic. Seriously. When the light alone can make you question what is and isn't really happening... that's fantastic. 


Another super hero movie that isn't Infinity Wars dependent! Venom didn't even feel remotely Spider-Man dependent to me.  What Venom was, actually, was a great relationship movie. The relationship between Eddie and Anne was complicated and real, with realistic motives by both parties. The fact that Eddie simultaneously won't give up on Anne, but also sort of likes her new BF is really … nice. Eddie isn't a jerk. He's just sort of selfish, but he knows better than to let his selfishness hurt the person he cares about most in the world. It was nice to see that human dynamic played up against the alien relationship Eddie got sucked into also. And then there were the special effects, which have made me pine for a The Maxx movie! Quick honorable mention to Upgrade, which maybe... probably... certainly did the whole body possessed/symbiotic relationship thing better than Venom. If that's what you're into, the action and emotional transition, maybe see Upgrade instead.

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse 

Ryan talked this movie up, but I sort of put my blinders up before seeing this BEAUTIFUL, SMART, FUNNY, WHOLESOME movie. I'm grateful that I didn't pay too much attention to it before I saw it, because it was SO NICE to see something SO GOOD without knowing very much. Okay, we all know Spider-Man's story pretty well... but honestly, I am way more familiar with the white Peter Parker story than the Black/Hispanic Miles Morales story, so this was a really pleasant change and we need more. More Miles! Plus, look, more Nick Cage! Oh, and PETER PORKER!? A SPIDER who got bit by a PIG!? Okay, Marvel, whatever, you do you and I'll get into it. Plus the soundtrack is uplifting and exciting.


This was a Netflix release, and I wouldn't usually count films we hadn't seen in the theatre, but the world is changing. So too, are the qualifications for such a list. Apostle was very reminiscent of The Wicker Man in its format. A man goes to an island inhabited by a cult to find a person. Things don't go super great. There are some unexplainable and weird, dark moments that make the film last beyond the viewing experience. It's a film people can discuss and dissect together after seeing, and I love films that bring people together through conversation. That, to me, is a marker of good story telling; the stories that teach us something, make us think deeper or differently, that give us community.

I'd also like to shine a light on an actress who kept popping up and surprising me this year - Jenny Slate. In both Hotel Artemis and Venom she plays smaller roles, but both are absolutely necessary and both are catalysts for the drama. And she doesn't overplay these roles. She's sort of perfect. I look forward to seeing her in lots more in the future! Mona-Lisa in the HOUSE!