Saturday, February 04, 2006

you thought as though

you thought as though
you really loved. that once.
you thought as though
this wasn't what you needed.
you thought as if. then something happened.
the line ran out. it slipped past your lips
and onto hers. you thought.
you thought as though
she might have been. this is real.
you thought as though
you might cry for it. pain for it.
you thought as though
you really wanted. you really wanted her.
back. but you never let her.
you thought as though
she might figure it out. on her own.
you thought as though
the night would happen
on its own. without you. you thought.
where would you be
when it did? as though you thought.





--------------------

thank you. a. for you know. sorry, too. even more.

13 comments:

brian said...

"One a first read, I'm not entirely concerned with content, though I do like the basic diction. But I enjoyed reading this. Terseness, rhythm, and breath. "

brian said...

"I left a message last night but it's no longer showing...? At least for me.

--

vuktcfdx "

katy said...

the comments for this post are acting up, not sure why or whatever... but i get sent these comments in email anyway...


"One a first read, I'm not entirely concerned with content, though I do like the basic diction. But I enjoyed reading this. Terseness, rhythm, and breath." -brian




folqzhzx

arch.memory said...

"I wanted to write this in an e-mail, in reply to yours, but since you posted it, I thought I ought to write it here. Katy, your poem just left me out of breath, dear! Quite literally. I had to suck in a huge gasp of air after I was done. I was rushing while reading it; the choppy unfinished thoughts do it. It works so well that way. It isn't what I expected it to be from the fragment you sent me earlier; it is so much better. Those choppy unfinished sentences, I just can't get over them! They are so effective. They remind me of the editing in that Juliette Binoche movie, "Code Unknown", where the scene just stops when you least expect it, in the middle of the sentence, and then a black screen for a second, and next. Katy, this is beautiful! (Please don't revise it!)"

katy said...

i created a new post for this poem and then copied all of our comments from the email copies i got sent. what was happening was only one comment was being shown at a time, which is odd. this seems to be working now. i hope you don't mind (brian and a) that i impersonated you.

Brian Boutwell said...

Identity theft was bound to happen to me one day.

Brian Boutwell said...

Raymond Carver-ish?

--

mzasbbd

katy said...

just been reading some raymond carver and think i do see why i might have reminded you of him, brian. though, i think he's more of a cone-poem poet whereas i see myself as more of a funnel-poem poet. does that make any sense? follow that link and read Happiness. it begins with a man standing in front of a window with coffee--it begins simple--then it expands into some meaning of life thing, with happiness. if i were going to write a poem like that i think it would have ended on the man with the coffee, focusing first on the image outside...

two boys la la la
and something about them being happy
that makes others happy
that makes this man with his coffee
happy
while he thinks breakfast thoughts.

instead of what he's done.

he broaden's the horizon as the poem goes on. i like to sharpen the point to an instant (not all the time, but i do, i think, do it often). where raymond likes to tell his readership "here is the emotion we are feeling" katy likeds to make her readers do some of the work "here's the picture, now what do you feel?" i'm a bit of a socratic fly in that respect.

katy said...

likeds

a good word, no?

katy said...

then again, if you read "stupid"... it ends with the storm. so yeah, carver-ish

Brian Boutwell said...

I thought of this poem, after reading.

http://www.poemhunter.com/p/m/poem.asp?poet=11502&poem=109459

--

hjumnib

Brian Boutwell said...

If you changed the punctuation:

And did you get what
you wanted from this life. Even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved. to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

katy said...

yes, i see what you mean now. especially the questions "did you get what you want?" and "and what did you want?" as far as content is concerned. i like your punctuation better. i think.