Thursday, January 19, 2006

and i the poet

someone called me "the brightest star"
first thing this morning, first thing at 10:30

someone told me "i love you" and "that's good"
when i called him at the office where he works

someone offered me an apartment
a few doors down from his, so i'd be nearer

and throughout, the sun put on a stunning glow
and the bog lay still with the red leaves of winter
blanketing in the seeds of next fall's growth

and i the poet, starting sentences with and
am warm inside my house, with a goldfish as company.


Brian said...

Well, simply, I liked it. Add to the good list.

but here's my suggestions:

put a comma after "glow" and cut "and the," replace it with "a"-- ...glow,/ a boy lay...


put a comma after "starting sentences" and cut "with and"-- ..., starting sentences, am warm inside...


Just a personal thing conserning the form, but I'd also cut: blanketing in the seeds of next fall's growth. To me it's excessive. Keep it with just the two line couplets.

Take care.


Brian said...

Forgot to mention: line break after "am warm"--- and i the poet, starting sentences, am warm/ inside my house, with a gold fish as company

katy said...

thank you brian, i agree with the couplets argument. done and done.
will wrestle with the other suggestions later. thanks again :)

Mr. Matos said...

Are these "someones" the same person or different people?

Someone told me that goldfish are lousy company.

katy said...

they are three different peoples.

and my goldfish is rather pleasant company.

Mr. Matos said...

Three different people.

How juicy.

arch.memory said...

How lucky the three are!

(And I love "and i the poet, starting sentences with and"!)