ailing me

obligations are responses
in careful order and these ones
to falling asleep
while watching a piece
on Leonard Cohen.

i waned in and out
of the selfish state
some kind of paralysis
while wainrights, caves and crockers
sang songs of his
and told stories of discovery
and beautiful first encounters.

i relived mine in a dream
where i spoke with Leonard as he stood
wearing a nice suit
telling me about his father
and describing his obsessions
over women and mythologies.

asleep on a sofa
with a cat at my feet
until i woke and teared again
against all the social means
have made myself ill
with sick thoughts and self loathing.

if i could just accept it
Leonard told me to embrace it
but when i wake the guilt settles in
and i begin to think of everyone else
what to do for them
at the epoch of my tragedy.