Thursday, April 06, 2006

a different

my poem about oranges is this time:

i was trained, like all americans,
to eat oranges the right way;
two hands and a stack of napkins.

but mine come with predetermined
thumb nail prints in the peel.

and i
i break the case of each slice

squeeze the pulp with teeth
trained to break the flesh on men's backs.

thinner skin and half moon slices;
frank, give me your finger and suck.


arch.memory said...

God! Savage! That couplet: "squeeze the pulp with teeth / trained to break the flesh on men's backs." is just... aah! LOVE it!

But, as I wrote for "gloss", I would go for rigorous couplets. Your poetry is strong enough to stand such relentlessness; no need to over-emphasize spaces and grouping. If you don't want to turn the first four lines into 2 couplets, however, I would at least remove some space between the first and second lines. (I don't think that first line can take all that space around it.)

And the last line is a killer!

katy said...

the first line is meant more as a subtitle. and i coudl drop the third line in the first stanza (the three liner) i suppose.

what says you dearest?