Friday, December 02, 2005


as in some cases, revisions can suck the life out of a piece... my heart hurts with every tiny addition and subtraction...

morning child is in ruins...

hidden behind morning locks, a glass reflection
of his morning beard and the sound of
blinds opening overtly bright in his good eye.

last night turned unfairly complicated
as she moved through his childhood dreams
and the distinct smell of picture books.

the desicration of this bed of innocents,
of exploration and a million secrets
left him ...

and i haven't got the propper energy to help it.

you see, i've been trying on some suggestions from the critical poetry forum (a fantastic place with the most beautifully honest and sensitive peers). unfortunatly for morning child, i considered it a finished piece, so when the news came to me that it was everything but, and that the grammar got in the way of people enjoying it... uhge.

i love the way the original sounds, it's beautiful to hear and taste, it's abstract and meaningful... but, maybe i'm wrong.

i'll keep it updated here. hopefully something magnificant will grow out of it.

blah with revision on this... blah blah blah

(okay, i could be tired is all)


Anonymous said...

I like the original; it needed only small adjustments to make it -identifiable- to readers not so instantly sensitive as yourself.

Also, though! I like this new form...much of it, even better. It's more concrete. It's sensible in a flow.

There's not a problem here at all. It's just time to rest a day or more...

It is amazing how sleep time provides our next-day solutions.

Sleep with this poem tonight and love it again in the morning.

Reid (desecration, no?)

katy said...

desecration, yes.

reid, you're a gem, thank you sooooo much.

Kilgannon said...

Hmm, considering it's something you created and is something personal to you, i don't know if anyone really has the right to suggest how you might change it. I know that sounds a bit picky, but if you're not happy with the changing of it then just don't change it. My friend earlier last night reminded me that "Art is personal"

arch.memory said...

Katy, I agree with kilgannon, why are you revising it? I have to say I like the first version better. This is too constructed. It reads like a sentence broken into lines, a paragraph with spaces in between. It doesn't have the elliptical swirl of the first. It sounds powerful but stoic. It doesn't have the fragility and the wandering of your writing. It just doesn't sound like you. Something that you say about "if only every poem came as naturally as this" I don't think you should tamper with. That is why I don't go to that forum.

katy said...

the poem known to us all as Morning Child is severly unchanged from it original form, it still exists, don't fret. what the revision does for me is... well, this revision broke me, but more often they lead to new exciting projects. this one didn't, this one failed, and i have documented that. though i don't regret working for this poem, working on this poem. i consider what came of this quite different (even though it shares a name).

thank you boys, for your comments, for your praise and always your charm.