let me know which version you prefer, i know the variables are small, but it's the smallest details that make poetry what it is...
version 1:
in a blisster of affection
she gave herself without shield or shuffle.
then in the storm, he took her
by the hand and foot to lie with him
until it passed.
version 2:
in a blisster of affection she gave herself
without shield or shuffle.
then in the storm, he took her
by the hand and foot
to lie with him until it passed.
version 3:
in a blisster of affection
she gave herself without shield or shuffle.
then in the storm, he took her
by the hand and by the foot
to lie with him until it passed.
version 4:
in a blisster of affection
she gave herself without shield or shuffle.
then amidst the storm, he took her
by the hand and foot to lie with him
until it passed.
version 5;
in a blisster of affection
she gave herself without shield or shuffle.
and in a storm, he took her
by the hand and foot to lie with him
until it passed.
---- or the elements you like best of each bit... in the comments, write me out the version you like best... this will be fun
4 comments:
I like Version 1 and 3, i'm not much of a poet or writer, but those seem to flow nicely to me
i like 3 too, it's the one i'm leaning towards most i think... it's the "by the hand and by the foot" part that makes it feel solid, you know?
Everyone else should post what they think!! You only have what i think so far, that's no good for you, you're a poet! You need input!
I think version 1 is the best. The line breaks hold the poem together in a way the others do not.
Post a Comment