tried and tried

i think she's dead now,

but it's hard

to get a straight forward answer
from her sometimes.

i had tried,

and this was years ago,

to help her.

i tried talking to her, sending care packages,
hundreds of dollars,

until she got sloppy,
and i caught her lying.

i felt like a fool.

but i tried to talk to her,
tried to get her help,
but she didn't want real help.

at least, not from me.

so i lost her.

i had to lose her.

and now completely.

completely lost.

winter wanderer

boot prints disrupt the snow
in zigs and zags

a meandering tracker
chasing day dream fancies

while avoiding branches
weighed down by fresh snow

the puck

driven across a flooded and frozen bog
the puck glides, bumps, jumps, and swerves

a kid in a green jersey rushes after it
falls and slides towards it, laughing

other kids skate around him like a swarm
they can't find the puck, does he have it?

he keeps laughing, uncontrollably,
giddy from the fun on the ice.

in the background his sister falls.
she's just learning how to skate.

in two months she'll be better than him
at his favorite sport, and he won't mind.

match made

nana used to use the dishwasher to store food
like crackers, bread and cereal until we all moved in

and we needed it to keep up with the demand for spoons
that's when she started storing snacks in a hanging shoe rack

that clanged against the door to her bedroom
whenever she opened or closed it.

color coded

we warn visitors
that our cat Rowdy
is color coded.

you can pet all the parts of him
that are covered in orange fur,
but not the white bits.

the parts of our cat
that are covered in white fur
are off limits for petting.

that's Rowdy's rule,
not ours. we have to abide
by the color code too.

four blue birds in the yard

Alli chirps
eck eck, eck eck, eck eck eck

speaking a language
she thinks the blue jays will understand

empty

an ashamed container:

to be buried in the trash

or left in the freezer? a facade. an embarrassment.

left empty either way.

pocket

hand in pocket
reminded that this morning

i put a spoon in my coat pocket
but now i can't remember why

without

the sad that envelopes a year
that he will never know

is worse with each sun that rises
and does not know him either.

knit

I found four needles
and a large spool

of colorful yarn
so i knit until my fingers hurt

from years of sitting
without knitting