i got given a copy of the bible today -
the new testament (as a special gift)
________________ small and bound in plastic
carved to look like leather.
the men asked me which colour
_______ should we put in each of the 75 hotel rooms,
but they didn't have enough green.
they're coming back on thursday.
i got given a copy of the bible
ReplyDeletetoday—the new testament
(as a special gift) small and bound
in plastic, carved to look like leather.
the men asked me which colour
______should we put in each
____________of the 75 hotel rooms, but
they didn't have enough green.
they're coming back on thursday.
I don't know why but I want to call this an objectivist poem. I think it has a hint of Neidecker in it, maybe. ;)
ReplyDelete[Nie]
ReplyDeletethe fact that the [[[i]]] is present makes it wholly un-objective though.
ReplyDeleteNot if the I is the object.
ReplyDelete[[[I]]]
ReplyDeleteW.V. -- potzow
ReplyDeletei like this one. it is subtle. i think you could make it even more subtle though.
ReplyDeletethe first two stanzas clash with the second two, because you go from specific to vague. i'd just keep it vague. i'd cut 'the new testament' and i'd cut '(as a special gift)' and i'd cut 'carved to look like leather'
I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteulxijlhhm -- something in this on was wrong. Damn blue squiggly.
If anything I would cut "(as a special gift)," but I understand that as a Katy sentiment, so.
ReplyDelete"(as a special gift)" was an after thought, which is perhaps why it is a weaker part of the poem (the weakest?).
ReplyDeletebrian, not sure that "a katy sentiment" is a good enough excuse to leave it in ^__^ but thanks
[i got given a copy of the bible today]
ReplyDeletei got given a copy of the bible
today—the new testament
small and bound in plastic,
carved to look like leather.
the men asked me which colour
should we put in each
of the 75 hotel rooms, but
they didn't have enough green.
they're coming back on Thursday.