Thursday, January 19, 2006

and i the poet

someone called me "the brightest star"
first thing this morning, first thing at 10:30

someone told me "i love you" and "that's good"
when i called him at the office where he works

someone offered me an apartment
a few doors down from his, so i'd be nearer

and throughout, the sun put on a stunning glow
and the bog lay still with the red leaves of winter
blanketing in the seeds of next fall's growth

and i the poet, starting sentences with and
am warm inside my house, with a goldfish as company.

5 comments:

B said...

Well, simply, I liked it. Add to the good list.

but here's my suggestions:

put a comma after "glow" and cut "and the," replace it with "a"-- ...glow,/ a boy lay...

*

put a comma after "starting sentences" and cut "with and"-- ..., starting sentences, am warm inside...

*

Just a personal thing conserning the form, but I'd also cut: blanketing in the seeds of next fall's growth. To me it's excessive. Keep it with just the two line couplets.

Take care.

Brian.

B said...

Forgot to mention: line break after "am warm"--- and i the poet, starting sentences, am warm/ inside my house, with a gold fish as company

katy said...

thank you brian, i agree with the couplets argument. done and done.
will wrestle with the other suggestions later. thanks again :)

katy said...

they are three different peoples.

and my goldfish is rather pleasant company.

arch.memory said...

How lucky the three are!

(And I love "and i the poet, starting sentences with and"!)